


Being Human Is Nothing To Be Sorry For

by Lichtstrahl



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22376506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lichtstrahl/pseuds/Lichtstrahl
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING : SELF HARMPlease proceed with caution
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 74





	Being Human Is Nothing To Be Sorry For

Perfectionist is Jihoon's middle name.

He wants everything to be perfect, tries to make everything perfect.

Why?

So that he wouldn't disappoint; because people's expectations are high and they expect Jihoon to always do well, to bring only the best to them.

Along with those expectations, Jihoon's burden increase and increase until it's too much for him to bear.

After all, just like everyone else, Jihoon is a mere human being. Jihoon can also feel exhausted, creativity block happens to him too.

Things can't always stay perfect and Jihoon hates that.

Sometimes, the weight on his shoulders feels to heavy; it feels as if it could crush him into bits if Jihoon isn't on guard.

On those days, Jihoon let himself to be crushed. He let people's and his own expectations crush him and all the negative feelings consume him; the feeling of disappointment, the uselessness, the lack of confidence, the self loathe he always keep hidden in the deepest part of his being. And Jihoon cries.

Letting those droplets of water drip and wet his cheeks as he stares blankly at the blinding screen in front of him. His chest feels suffocated as he fought within himself to will the negativity away but Jihoon never won. Not once. The devil in him always got the best of him.

Jihoon ends up finding another way to deal with the pain. He hurriedly rummaged through his drawer, blindingly grabbing onto a box and pulling it up to the surface. Jihoon opens the box and there it is, hidden in between CDs, a small razor blade he managed to keep without his lover's knowledge.

Taking a shaky breath, Jihoon brings the sharp object onto his left wrist where fading cut scars could be seen. He closes his eyes, feeling some more hot tears trail down his face, as he digs the sharp edge onto his skin, breaking it and drawing red. Jihoon exhales in relief as the sting registered in his mind.

He blinks his eyes open, looking at how the blood paints his pale skin a beautiful red through his blurry vision.

Jihoon feels pathetic.

Pathetic and guilty. Those are the two feelings he always experience after committing the act. After all, he did promise the man he loves so much that he'd stop. But Jihoon can't find it in him to do so. He needs it.

Jihoon watches as the first drop of blood threatens to fall onto the ground along with his tears but always, before it could stain the floor, the door opens and there he is; the love of Jihoon's life, standing in the doorway, breathing heavily.

Soonyoung always knows. Jihoon isn't sure how but he knows, always.

"Ji.." The older breathes as he takes big strides to the swivel chair Jihoon is occupying and as if on instinct, Jihoon hides his left hand behind his back. He's a fool to think Soonyoung wouldn't notice.

Jihoon looks straight at Soonyoung with the expression the older hates so much; helpless and in pain. It shatters Soonyoung's heart into tiny pieces.

He takes Jihoon's injured hand and reaches for the first aid kit he intentionally left in the room, because he knows how Jihoon is, before he begins to clean the wound and wrapping it with a bandage as the final. He kissed the bandaged skin before turning to his lover who's still crying.

Soonyoung crouched down on the ground, hand outstretched to try and wipe the never ending tears away.

"I'm sorry." Jihoon whispers, voice hoarse and weak.

"You should say that to yourself." Soonyoung replies, his tone gentle as he stroke Jihoon's cheek. 

"I'm sorry." Jihoon repeats softly. It sounds so soft but you can hear the pain in it.

Soonyoung sighs, it's never easy to pull Jihoon out of this state. He carefully pulls the younger man down to the ground with him, letting Jihoon settle on his lap as he hugs his lover tightly; burying Jihoon's face on his shoulders and he lets Jihoon wet his shirt.

"Jihoon, you don't have to be. Being exhausted is nothing to be sorry for, falling into a slump is nothing to be sorry for. Being human is nothing to be sorry for."

"It's okay to be tired, it's okay to be overwhelmed, it's okay to be sad. It's okay, I promise."

Jihoon chokes on a sob as his hands clutches tightly onto the front of Soonyoung's shirt.

"Cry as much as you want." Soonyoung whispers as he runs his hand up and down Jihoon's back soothingly. "I'm here for you. I got you. Always."

And suddenly Jihoon finds it not so hard to breathe anymore. 

"I love you." Soonyoung adds when he notices Jihoon's breathing has slowly gotten calmer. 

The younger sucks in a deep breath as he allows himself to relax. Soonyoung never tells him to stop crying, never tells him to always be okay. Instead, he always says that it's fine to be sad and let everything out and Jihoon is very grateful for that. He needs this more than those 'Don't cry' or 'Dont be sad'.

"Soonyoung, I love you." He mutters softly, hugging his lover tight. "Thank you.

"Anytime, baby. I'll always be here for you."

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta read  
> So it might make no sense ;-;  
> I was feeling down and this is like me sharing a piece of myself? But no I don't do self harm :'  
> Anw thank you for reading  
> I hope you enjoyed it  
> Kudos will be appreciated


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